What am I doing with my life? This is a question that I often use in jest, but that I also often ask myself and ask God. And from each I often get no answer; why should I worry myself with the future, when the present has enough problems of its own that request my attention. But at the same time, whenever I ask this question, I always get the same response about the present: I am letting God use my life for His purposes.
I had felt the call to go to Russia for about a year before I was connected by crazy circumstance to a team going from Texas A&M. It has been almost two years since I first felt that call, and now I am here, in Russia, letting God use my life for His purposes. It has been incredibly humbling and eye-opening; people here are living with far less than poor American families, and yet their lives require less and they find joy out of that. People are being drawn toward the love of Christ in us and to the message we proclaim to them in one of the hardest places in the world to reach with the Gospel. And most of all, I am beginning to reap the fruits of my labor; after six weeks, we have just had our first person accept Christ as her savior!
Why would I ever want to go back to America?
Why do I not currently have plans to ever return to Russia?
What am I doing with my life?
At the end of the day, I can say that I know God called me here, and I have known that for almost two years. But I can also say that God has not revealed much of His plan for me beyond that. I am literally walking into the rest of my life in darkness, with the light of Christ within the only thing to guide my path. I don’t know if I will ever use my degree, or if I do for how long. I don’t know if I will return to Russia, or if I will be sent somewhere else in the world. I don’t know if I will ever live a life of missions, and I don’t know if I will have a family to love.
And this doesn’t scare me one bit, because I know that I have Jesus by my side. I will not be shaken, I will not be afraid, and I will not back down. I have seen the darkness that exists everywhere in the world, but I have also seen light in the darkest darkness, and I realize now that this same struggle will exist no matter where I go. And God has given me the power to help the light grow.
So what am I doing with my life? I don’t have the slightest clue, but I know that I will be letting God use my life for His purposes.